They say inspiration comes at random, insignificant moments.
They also say that raking leaves builds character, which I think is absurd. If by "character" you mean "the mounting urge to stab yourself and those around you simply as a release from this mundane, life-draining activity," than yes, I believe i found "character" in raking leaves.
But while raking leaves, I also found a man name To with a remarkable story. To is the American dream you think doesnt exist - he came from a place he despised and worked hard to give himself and his wife a better life, and his son a chance to succeed. But something happened to him before he came to America that would shape who he was forever.
Ken calls to us "Hey, guys, stop raking for a minute and come listen to To's story." I wasn't so much interested in To's story aa I was the "stop raking" part. Seriously, maybe I am a lazy member of a spoiled generation, but I would rather watch Rachel Ray's talk show than rake leaves. Anyway, on to this man's story.
To was a member of the South Vietnamese army at the time Saigon fell and the Communist took over. He was taken into a labor camp and was told it would be two weeks until his release. Two weeks became seven years.
While inside, To daily struggled with the thought of suicide. He had a razor that he kept hidden, and on many occasions he would try to slice his wrists, usually with those around him intervening and holding him down. To knew in his mind that suicide was not an option, and the very least because he had a wife who was pregnant that needed him. So he had to find a way to keep alive.
To found that the more he sat idle and thought about death, the more he grew insane and drifted towards death. So he found ways to keep his mind occupied. He would count things - the number of chips it would take to chop down a tree, or the amount of time it would take him to walk somewhere. His thoughts remained on the task at hand.
To found release through productivity. He became so productive that he was somewhat of a hero tho his fellow captors, winning himself and them food. Finally, he was released and came to America as a refugee. It seems his work ethic can still be seen in what he does today.
To's phrase is "Kill time, do not let time kill you" which is simple, but is something an overanalytical emo kid like me is about to construe into a philosophical nugget. Many times I find my mind drifting, not so much towards death, but towards insecurity and irrational fear. Sometimes I think I can find the answer to all the big questions if I stay up until 2:00 am and drink lattes. It didn't work last night, but maybe tonight....
But that is not the answer. We were not meant to constantly to raise a fist at the sky and yell "why." Ours should be an existence of action. To obtain anything, even our own sanity and feelings of belonging and security, we must work. We must do. Part of us wants to think we are above that, but no one is.
Today, I have found, there is hope inside the daily grind. And eventually, there is escape.
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